Likklesimo @[email protected]

blugh. too tiered.too useless. too stupid. should have just given up at the beginning of the year

Been a while, sorry ... I'm still off work... But getting there I guess. This has been a distinctly crap way to start a year.

This is what's.... Walking reigns with paw prints...

Anyone guess what I'm making here?

So I have an issue .... I still feel suicidal periodically and like walking along cliffs cuz they are pritty... Don't trust myself not to just go off one if I do go for a cliff walk...

So ... Update... Still home still can't talk properly. Went to the out of hours emergency gp last night, by the afternoon each day since dischatge I have been getting suicidal. Been give an increase on the diazapan to try and keep control. I'm still exhausted still finding it really hard to filter inputs particularly noise... Gp is going to try and get a review of meds underway. Still blame myself for mummy's dad dying and basically everything that goes wrong around me.

Sorry I'm a mess...

so im home now. still cant talk.... sometimes manage a word but no more than that without huge effort.
still feel crap, still basically living on huge anxiety attack....

Still in the ward... Really want to go home. But I don't know if I trust myself on my own... suicide is often in my thoughts, self harm is pretty much constantly in my thoughts. I'm tired and not sleeping well still... Never really have I guess. Mummy's dad died on Wednesday morning, my brain is adement that I caused it. Has been since he first came into hospital... Sorry

So I'm back on. The ward. Couldn't cope at all. Sorr